Orchid’s Visit to Whitewall

Intro

This is another entry in the fanart/fic trade happening in Forge of Wonders (the Exalted fanart Discord server). Today’s subject is Leaping River Orchid, Twilight Caste scion of House Nellens. Hope you enjoy!

Note: This story contains Second Edition secrets for the city of Whitewall.

Orchid’s Visit to Whitewall

Author’s Note: Contains Whitewall secrets from 2e.

Juxtaposed Beacons gazed upon the Tapestry of Fate with ancient eyes.  She loved watching the pattern spiders work their magic and lived to find the secret patterns woven into it.  Her eyes flitted to her favorite patterns.  A one-eyed crocodile eating a lunar was tucked away in the mid-Western folds.  A wine glass pressed against a flagon of ale in toast, fire spilling from one and tiny crabs from the other dominated the Southern sky.  Around them, constellations of maggots.

Her eyes flickered toward the center before she forced them East.  I’ll savor the sweetest bite for the end.  Yet Patience comes to the Chosen of Serenity as Restraint to starving hounds, and within the minute the Sidereal was soaking in the magnificent portrait in the Center of Fate.

She had been confused when the Scarlet Empress disappeared.  So much chaos.  So many winding threads and split ends and patterns that just didn’t quite make sense.  For the first time in centuries, doubt crept into Juxtaposed Beacons’ mind.  Knowing she could not serve Fate with reservations she cloistered herself away in the Library of Secrets, studying the forbidden shapes of the Realms Beyond.

After just four years she found what she was looking for.  In hindsight if was so obvious!  An undecapus, bound within the duo-sigils of Malfean and Underworldly Endings.   Truly, the pattern spiders are wise in all things!

Yet as Juxtaposed Beacons looked upon the pattern she noticed something.  One of the tentacles was bending too far to the North.  Her eyes narrow.  Nellens.

___________________________________________________

7 Desc Air, RY768
Dear Diary,

Today I arrived in Whitewall.  The city is old, beautiful, and strangely comforting.  Tired from my journey I went to a teahouse where they served a quaint butter tea.  It was surprisingly good for a Northern city outside of the Realm.  I have noted the establishment in Appendix IV.

My next location was the bathes, which is where I am now.  The caverns appear to be made of different stone than which the city is constructed, indicating that the city was planned rather than organic.  Given the grandiose nature of the walls and older buildings I expect it of first age origin.  Tomorrow I hope to – hang on, someone’s approaching.  Oh no, and they’re cute.

___________________________________________________

Emerald eyes flutter
Coyly behind silken fan
Serenity comes

___________________________________________________

8 Desc Air, RY768
Dear Diary,

I got a bit of a late start this morning but managed to make it to the library before noon.  I learned a great deal including Whitewall’s origins as a temple to the Unconquered Sun.  Apparently it used to be called Ondar Shambal and there are records of citizens exalting as Solars throughout the Second Age.  I wonder if there’s any insight into why Solars stopped reincarnating to be found here.  Ah, my dinner companion has arrived.

___________________________________________________

The Orchid rises
Thriving above her station
Lured, toward sweet sunshine

___________________________________________________

10 Desc Air, RY768
Dear Diary,

Ondar Shambal, as I’ve started to call it, continues to impress.  The depths of knowledge in this library are exceptional and I’m told that once the city’s resident Eclipse returns he may allow me a tour of the central manse.

On a more personal note, I’ve met the character in the bath house every day since I arrived.  They’re impressive kind.  Flickering Lantern is easy to talk to and has been helpful at teaching me the lay of the city.  They’ve asked me how long I intend to stay.  Of course my plan is still to continue to Gethamane next week but I can’t help but wonder if I should extend my stay.  It’s been a long time since research has been this stimulating.

___________________________________________________

Like bee held in thrall
By blooming orchid’s embrace
Unclean may be trapped

___________________________________________________

14 Desc Air, RY768
Dear Diary,

Flickering Lantern proposed!  The gall to propose union after but a week knowing each other and expecting a response without consulting the family was too much.  I confess as soon as I heard the words my heart leapt and I almost accepted.  It was only thanks to my training that I was able to prevent myself from jumping whole-heartedly into this strange future.  I love this city, and gods help me I love Flickering Lantern, but this fell influence has lasted long enough.  I will take with me my notes and the memories of bliss to Gethamane tomorrow.

___________________________________________________

A love rejected
Fate once again strays Northward
Guess I’ll just kill her

___________________________________________________

15 Desc Air, RY768
Dear Diary,

The city’s Eclipse return this morning so we met for breakfast.  I ordered my usual beverage which combines my favorite aspects of Realm and Whitewall tea.  Rune (the Eclipse) was interested asked to sample it.  He took a thorough sip (which I would have found quite insulting had I been home), gave me a peculiar look, and then collapsed.  I rushed him to the city’s rulers and found once last secret.  It turns out that one of the rulers is a God of Health!  Rune took the whole situation with grace and I was delighted to hear that he did in fact enjoy the tea and would be ordering it again sans poison.  As for my plans, I think I will return home for a time.  Perhaps I shall visit Gethamane next year.

Kalara Counts to Ten

Intro

Hi all! Here’s a story I wrote for an art challenge in the Exalted fan-art Discord. Kalara is a character created by Angela Sasser and the subject of her project The Uncrucified! I’m posting it here because leaving it as a Google Doc felt tacky and I’m not about to just dump it in Discord. Hope you enjoy!

Story

Kalara cleaned her flame pieces in the pre-dawn gray beneath the greatpines of the Fang River Valley.  Luna’s light could be just seen through the canopy.  Tonight she headed due East in full splendor – a rare occurrence which Kalara took as a good omen.  For years she had heard rumors of a fabled prison where the Kitashi Linowan keep their slaves.  A year ago rumor became substance after an uprising outside of Rubylak.  Eight months ago the last of Kalara’s scouts returned from the region empty-handed.  Five moths ago, she received a message from Thousand Meadows Reaped: “I hear you’re looking for the Linowan bastards who keep undercutting us.  Word is they keep their wares in a fae-hollowed tree on the Northern edge of the valley.”

Kalara knew Thousand Meadows Reaped by personal enmity.  The Guild Factor was known for his contacts, knowledge of pear cultivars, and profiting from two in every three people sold in the East.  Helping Thousand Meadows made Kalara bristle but she was confident one fewer shared enemy would be better for her in the long run – not to mention better for the people who would free themselves.

Detecting a presence behind her, Kalara snapped back to the present, pointing her newly polished wands down at her assailant.  The creature – a wooly vampire bat – stood three inches tall.  It shifted its weight back to its hind legs and raised its folded wings as if to surrender.  “Heh.  Alright you can stay, but no drinking my blood.  I have a busy day ahead of me and didn’t sleep well.”

The bat shivered and crawled closer.  Kalara eyed it warily.  The bat sneezed.  The gunslinger signed and picked the creature up.  It had been a long month, and some company would do her well.

Kalara’s thoughts turned to the community within the tree.  As much as she fought the slave trade within the guild she had to admit they had standards.  These Linowan, not so much.  Whether from some strange fae effect within the prison-tree or a drug she wasn’t familiar with, complacency was rampant.  Kalara had experienced this to a lesser degree when she helped liberate farmers from Serat.  She took a very active role in that uprising and learned first hand what happens if the slaves don’t feel empowered in their liberation.

This time was different.  Kalara was wiser.  With twisted words and feigned innocence she ingratiated herself with the guards.  With a handful of silver she founds her way into the pen.  Two days she stayed there, learning the culture and major players.  Eventually she found what she was looking for – an elder by the name of Meshkier.  They had the varied scars of a lifelong fighter and gray eyes, as if the fires of their youth were simply obscured by smoke.  From there it was only a matter of time.  Questions became ideas, ideas became hope, and hope became plans.  Last night Kalara melted the shackles off everyone locked in the pen.

The wind picked up, tossing Kalara’s hair.  As she brushed it back she felt a warmth against her cheek.  Blood.  She looked down accusingly at the bat but it was already flying away.  No matter, she was merely the lookout today.  The victory would come at the hands of the people.

A mourning dove cooed as the first rays of Sol Invictus lit the canopy.  It was time.  Kalara looked towards the gnarled hole in the greatpine expecting the sounds of rebellion behind a rage-crowned Meshkier.  Instead she heard coughing and a sickly old man wearing Meshkier’s face uttered “Help.”

No.

A lookout races from her post.

Not like this.

A green-tuniced figure disappears into a tree.

Not this, not here, not now.

A slave breathes her last hopeless breath.

Not plague.

“We’re sorry.”

How could this happen so fast?

“Please, put us back.”

The guards will arrive soon.

“Deceiver.”

“No,” the Crowned Sun whispers.  “This will not be your end.”

Kalara hears the familiar whoosh of a whip racing towards her.  With preternatural speed she ducks the blow.  Her assailant is none other than the foreman of this operation, Jackal Elloise, flanked by two guards.

The slaves who can move scurry to the fare wall.

“Cower then, sickly ones.  I shall demonstrate conviction.  I will finish what we have started.”

With fire and fury Kalara incinerates the guards.  She smiles as Jackal backs away.  With twisted words she taunts her enemy, “Go then, flee if you think your feet can outrun the Quicksilver Falcon’s wings.”

Jackal’s eyes go wide as chains of golden anima fall from his assailant.  Run, he thinks.  Run and hide and rebuild.  Yet his scream is furious and his feet carry him into the Righteous Devil’s inferno.

The fire doesn’t yet burn.  Instead, they offer the same choice that Jackal had given each of his subjects:  Submit, or die.  He submits.  The flames burn his spirit as a wildfire ravages the forest.  Greed, fear, and the excuses that mask them melt into nothing.  The fires die down.

Remorseful Jackal crawls to his priest.  Unable to find words, he lays at her feet and wails.

Kalara speaks up.  “I witness your repentance and judge it true.  Through the perfect compassion of Sol Invictus you have earned forgiveness in the eyes of Yu-Shan.”  Kalara looks upon the enslaved.  “Yet your crimes are not limited to Heaven.  I therefor allow you an opportunity for true absolution.  Submit yourself before those you enslaved and earn Justice.”

The slaver looks at his charges.  “I am so sorry,” he whispers.  “I am so sorry and-” he looks at Kalara with eyes of acceptance.  “And I accept your judgment.”

Weeks of tension she didn’t know she had leave Kalara as she steps out of the tree and into Luna’s shadow.  It may not have gone according to plan, but the slaves were free and learning empowerment.  Taking out her hand mirror she surveys the damage.  A few hairs out of place, an off-center necklace, and three lines of blood running down her left cheek.  Kalara smiles.

N-Hemo Weaving: A Homage

One of the folks working on a new MMO recently tweeted this lovely prompt:

It should be no surprise that my favorite WoW spec is the Subtlety rogue. But which iteration of the spec was my favorite?

Was it the brief and glorious period where Honor Among Thieves had no cooldown, allowing us to forego combo-point generators altogether? Or perhaps the good ol’ days of balancing low-duration buffs and debuffs, while making sure to stay behind the target, hoping to stay even with the sleepiest of Assassination rogues? Or that one weird time in Dragonsoul when we were competitive provided we were on a single target and didn’t accidentally Shadowstep off a cliff? Or is it the modern one with multiple charges on Shadow Dance and an AoE philosophy of “I hope these adds stay alive so I can keep doing more single target DPS!”

I suppose if we’re counting actual rotations that made it to live, then a slower version of the current rotation would be my favorite. But in truth my favorite rotation is the absolute majestic horror that was n-hemo weaving from Warlords of Draenor Alpha.

What was N-Hemo Weaving?

Ho boy, so this section is going to be a bit of a doozy. Feel free to skip to the summary at the end. First though, a bit of context for the rotation as a whole:

At the end of Mists, Subtlety was still solidly a maintenance-based spec. You wanted to maximize uptime on Rupture and Hemorrhage, while keeping up Slice and Dice on yourself, not wasting Shadow Dance which was on a low enough cooldown that using it quickly mattered, all the while staying behind the target as much as possible to maximize backstabbing. I loved this.

Remember everything I said about finishers, and various uptimes, and cooldowns? Great, feel free to forget about it. For now, we delve into the min-maxing hellscape that is n-hemo weaving. For now, we have just two abilities: Backstab, and Hemorrhage.

Hemorrhage dealt a bit of damage, and then applied a bleed for 100% of the damage dealt. If you used it again, the remaining damage from the previous debuff would be folded into the new one. This let you stack up a respectable bleed.

Backstab dealt damage. If it crit, it would cause your bleeds to automatically trigger a free tick of damage.

Blizzard’s idea was that the best rotation would be to keep Hemorrhage on the enemy and then swap to Backstab. But remember how it was possible to increase the potency of your bleed by using a few Hemorrgages in a row? Yeah. The actual best rotation was to use somewhere between 2-5 Hemorrahges, then swap to Backstab once the debuff got big enough. Why 2-5? Well because Hemorrhage can crit of course! The DoT was based on the initial hit, which meant if you got a big crit then your DoT would start out high and it could be best to just swap to Backstabs right away. On the other hand if you didn’t get any crits with Hemorrhage, it might be better to keep trying until you get your bleed up high enough to be worth the swap.

So to summarize, n-hemo weaving was a rotation that involved casting Hemorrhage a variable number of times before swapping to another generator. Through all of this, you had to keep up two other maintenance effects, while keeping an eye on your cooldowns. And that’s not counting raid mechanics! Needless to say…

It Had to Go

For better or worse, many players in WoW like to min/max. Having a complicated rotation can be a fun challenge, but this went too far. In order to know when to switch from Hemorrhage to Backstab, a player would need to know their crit chance, expected damage on Backstab and Hemorrhage, and how high the bleed currently is. That’s way too much for a person, but quite easy for an addon. And therein lies the problem. Regular Hemo weaving is fine. 3-hemo weaving is pretty cool too! But n-hemo weaving meant looking at an addon and pressing the button it told you to push. While that addon hadn’t been invented yet, I was confident someone (possibly me) would make it.

As much as I say it was a disaster that had to go though, I can’t help but wonder if I did the right thing advocating for its removal. Because at the end of the day…

I’ve Never Had More Fun

There’s something weird about crits in games. When you play a mage and crit for 90% of someone’s health, it feels great. When you play a class which deals smaller packets of damage though, it kinda just fades into the background. N-hemo weaving was cool because the medium crits actually mattered. It meant you got to go from ramping up to cashing in!

Between the relevance of crits and the sheer enjoyment of having two CP generators that were meaningfully useful outside of “guess I’ll keep this debuff going,” there was a lot of depth in the rotation.

If keeping up three maintenance effects while fully utilizing CDs is juggling on a unicycle, than n-hemo weaving is juggling live hamsters in the dark. It’s significantly harder, about as applicable in real life, and really satisfying when you pull it off.

Yes, There Is a Correct Covenant

I’ve seen a lot of tweets recently from @mystler who has the enviable (is it just me that’s envious?) task of writing guides for all you lovely rogues out there. The gist of these tweets is that it the DPS gain from Covenants doesn’t matter, and that having to suggest one for guides is likely to make some folks choose ones they don’t enjoy. Given how small the DPS difference between covenant abilities is compared to the impact of someone like Mystler, this concern is entirely. That said after speaking with my good friend Paryah, I have come to the conclusion that Covenant choice matters much more than these guides would have you believe. I present to you three things to consider when choosing your Covenant strictly from a DPS optimization perspective.

Zone Matters

Choosing your Covenant is much more than just which combat ability you are going to get. You are also choosing a base of operations, much like a garrison or class hall. Do you want to spend your time in a poorly lit zone full of snotty vampires? Well if so have we got the Covenant for you! In recent expansions there’s been a great deal of power to be gained outside of raiding, so choosing a zone with content you enjoy might just motivate you to do more dailies, which in turn could get you the Mythic upgrade you need to start showing up those dastardly hunters.

Sleep is OP

Have you ever put off daily or weekly content because it sucks? Have you ever stayed up late completing said content because doing so will result in a DPS increase? If not, I don’t believe you. The thing is while that DPS bump may matter, a sleepy raider is a sloppy raider. If you want to maximize your throughput, it’ll behoove you to streamline your reaction time. One way to do this is to pick a faction that’ll help motivate you to complete your quests on time.

Fun is Also OP

Speaking of streamlining reaction time, did you know that the more fun you have the faster your brain works? It’s true! Fun lends itself to creativity and activates a bunch of parts of the brain that are useful in high-intensity situations. The high-level decision making parts of your brain in particular become more active. This means that the more fun your rotation is, the more likely you are to press Cloak of Shadows in time and creatively use your mobility to escape bad situations.

Conclusion

Simulations can only get you so far when it comes to optimizing gameplay. At the end of the day, the Sims are computers and we are not. For a computer to succeed in an expansion it needs power, processing speed, and a good algorithm. The first two needs are static for the sims we use, which means it all comes down to the algorithm. Humans on the other hand have different levels of power and processing speed, and our algorithms are much more affected by those two factors. This can lead to wild optimizations such as skipping Dailies for a warm bath or eating green beans while clearing trash.

Covenants are meant to set the tone of the expansion, so picking the correct tone is crucial to success.

Weekly Focuses

Recently I restarted having a weekly focus. This post will explain what a focus is and how I use them.

What’s a Focus?

A focus is a week long (Mon-Fri) goal that gives me something to do (or avoid) every day. I exclude weekends because they are already different enough from my normal week days that adding a focus in would often be difficult, and I consider days off vital. For example, I might decide that I’m not playing video games for a week, or that I’ll only be eating home cooked meals.

How flexible are Focuses?

Very. The point of a focus is self-improvement, so if part way though the week you realize your focus is getting in the way of your goals, the focus should be adjusted. For example, “No Video games” might mean that I’d be spending less quality time with my spouse. In this case it may be reasonable to adjust the focus to “No video games alone or after midnight.”

What if you fail?

Failing a focus is not inherently bad and is a great time for reflection. In fact ideally your focuses should be challenging, so failing a focus once every 3-6 weeks is a good sign. Any more than that and it’s worth considering lowering the difficulty. Any less, and perhaps you could be challenging yourself a bit more. When you fail, it’s worth asking yourself why. There’s a big different between breaking down and playing games for 4 hours on a random work night and remembering you had plans to play a new game with friends when it releases. The last thing I’ll note here is sometimes I’ll reward myself after a successful week, but I try not to actively punish myself for failure. There are psychological reasons for this that I won’t go into.

More Examples

Here’s a few focuses that I’ve had. Note that they vary in intensity and scope.

• Do something I’ve been putting off every day.
• Meditate every morning.
• Get ready for bed by 11 and be in bed by midnight for at least 10 mins.
• Go for a walk every day. *exception: or other exercise*
• Call/text an old friend or family member. *addendum: must not talk to them often*

Self-Accountability Aids: Tips for Remote Contracting

Hey all,

I’ve been dipping my toes in remote contracting and I’ve found a number of things that help me put in my hours even when I’m not motivated.  Here’s a list of tips that I would like to remember.  Feel free to use them or add more in comments!

As an aside, this is also great for any personal project.

 

1. Use a time-tracking app.  I’m using and.co because it works and is free.  The idea is that you fill in your client, project name, and optionally set goals/constraints like “10 hours per week” or “100 hours total”.  Whenever you are working on the project, start your timer, enter what you are doing and for what project, and you’re good to go!  As a bonus you can always change your entries or add new ones if you left your timer going or forgot to turn it on.
2. Choose a day to start your week.  The problem with determining your own schedule is that every day can potentially be a day off, and you can always theoretically make your time up the next day.  The solution is to pick a day as the first day of the week.  Let’s say your first work day is Monday.  That means you should have everything done by Sunday Evening at the latest.  Additionally, you need to do 10 hours of Project per week, and it’s Monday, then regardless of how many hours you did up to this point, your default goal is 10 hours. Are you running a surplus?  Having a start of week also gives you an opportunity to reset and make new goals.  If you’re behind by 5 hours, you don’t need to make them all up this week, but at the beginning of the week you might decide you want to make up two of them.
3. Choose a Day Off.  The problem with determining your own schedule is that every day can potentially be a work day.  If you are excited about your project, then go for it!  That said, weekends are important, and having a day where you don’t have to feel bad about not putting hours in will make it easier in the long run.  This could also  include times of day that you don’t work, such as after dinner or during meals.
4. Work at least 1 hour per workday.  Let’s say your weekly goal is 15 hours, which you’d like to do Monday-Friday, but will make up time on Saturday.  If Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday you are good and work your 3 hours, but then you blow off Thursday and Friday entirely, that means you have 6 hours left unspent.  That’s a lot, and very quickly your mostly free Saturdays become your biggest workday.  While there will always be days that are hard, try to at least put in an hour.  In this example, an hour on Thursday and Friday would leave Saturday with 4 hours unspent.  While that sucks, it’s not much more than an average workday.
5. Brute-Force Creativity.  This is something that I learned from my artist fiancé.  The idea that creativity comes from inspiration is bullshit.  People who wait for inspiration have trouble achieving their goals.  You know when you should be putting time into your project, and even if you aren’t motivated, sit yourself down and try to put 10 minutes in.  If you are still unmotivated after those 10 minutes, then fine, get a snack, go for a run, cook a talbuk steak, whatever.  A bunch of the time you’ll find after 10 minutes that there are productive things you can do.  The first time your 10 minutes turns into over an hour of productivity will feel great.

 

Well that’s it for now; I hope to add to this list as I think up things that I need to remember.

 

Best wishes and may all your endeavors be productive and enjoyable,

SD

League’s Worst Explorer

When I started my application to Riot Games one question stood out at me:  What is your least favorite champion ability?  At the time I had just started playing League and something told me to pick one of Ezreal’s abilities, but it’s only now that I understand why.  You see, Ezreal is many things.  He’s pretty well balanced.  He has a fairly high skill cap without being too hard to pick up.  But he’s also really stupid, and here’s why.

He has Two Abilities

His Q is a skillshot that fires a projectile which damages the first enemy it hits.  His W is a skillshot that fires a projectile which damages enemy champions it hits.  His R is a skillshot which fires a projectile that damages the first enemy it hits and deals less damage to everything else it hits.  Sound familiar?  Yeah, it’s literally just combining his Q and W.  Sure there are differences between his Q, W, and R but at the end of the day they are drearily similar.  So what’s his second ability?  His E.  It’s a skill that teleports you to a target location and then fires, you guessed it, a projectile at the nearest enemy.

Seriously, it’s a wonder that there’s so much depth in a kit with so little diversity.  I really don’t understand.

 

His Stupid Walk

I mean, just look at this screenshot.

How long are those LEGS????

But here’s the real issue…

His Stupid Lore

Look, there’s no more dodging around.  His lore is three sentences.  That’s right, three.  Here, let me quote it:

Ezreal, the Prodigal Explorer

The intrepid young adventurer Ezreal has explored some of the most remote and abandoned locations on Runeterra. During an expedition to the buried ruins of ancient Shurima, he recovered an amulet of incredible mystical power. Likely constructed to be worn by one of the Ascended, the enormous talisman nonetheless fit snugly upon his arm, amplifying his raw sorcerous skill to such an extent that he’s gained the reputation of a hero, much to his embarrassment.

– http://gameinfo.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/game-info/champions/ezreal/#champion-lore

Ok, admittedly that last sentence was a bit of a run-on, but c’mon, that’s IT?!  So Ezreal is this dude who found a bracelet.  And because you decided to name him an explorer, we can’t get a real explorer in League of Legends, because that would infringe on existing champion space wouldn’t it?  This is what irks me so much about Ezreal.  Go back to his kit and tell me what part of it makes you think “explorer” when you read it.  His E could be used to explore.  I guess.  Only that’s his only escape so if he ever does try to explore then there’s a good chance he’ll die for it.

“Oh but Hail,” You might be thinking, “You didn’t talk about his passive!  Does that have to do with exploring?”

I’m glad you asked, because the answer is “No.”  His passive makes him attack faster the more times he hits people with abilities.  That’s right, so if he already knows where the enemies are, he is more effective.  Is it just me or is that the opposite of exploration?!

Let’s be real, the role of “explorer” is fantastic.  If I could play a champion who encourages me to explore the fog of war, taking risks and having ways to dodge in-and-out of vision to that would be real cool.  Frankly, Ezreal’s lore is his worst feature, and is what cements him in my mind as the stupidest champion in League of Legends.  In fact, it’s so stupid that I think I could make a better one Right Now – at 12:34 AM.  And before you ask, yes I did wait until the time was 1234 to start this next section.

Ezreal, the Spoiled Brat

Ezreal came from the land of DEMACIAAAAAAAA.  Like all Demacian champions, he was born to a royal family and as a child he was very spoiled.  One day while he was in grade-school the most popular girl brought in a fancy bracelet to show-and-tell.  The girl said the bracelet was her grandmother’s, and the way it shone got the whole class clapping.

Ezreal, not to be out-done, immediately started crying and declared that he would not stop until his parents bought him the best and shiniest bracelet in Runeterra.  Needless to say the parents immediately went to the markets and bought the best bracelet they could find, but when Ezreal saw it he cast it away!  “Nicer!” the child demanded.

So the parents tried again.  Remembering how the other bracelet came from the girl’s grandmother, they paid a visit to the the family crypt and found the best bracelet among their ancestors’ treasures.  But when Ezreal saw it, he once again cast it aside: “Nicer!” he once again pouted.

Not knowing what to do, the child’s parents looked through the market once again, and stumbled upon a mysterious booth they had not seen before.  The booth claimed to house magical artifacts discovered in ancient tombs across Runeterra.  “Well if raiding the family tomb wasn’t enough for our dear boy, perhaps one of these will be more suiting of his needs,” his father mused.  Walking in they found no bracelets, but when pressed the vender took a small case from under the table. “I’d been keeping this out of sight, but since you asked and look like you can afford such an artifact, I might just have what you’re looking for.”  The vender pulled out a shining bracelet made out of gold and held together by light.  Ezreal’s parents’ eyes widened at the sight, and after a few minutes of haggling and more than a few expletives uttered, the bracelet was on its way to its new owner.

When Ezreal saw the bracelet he knew it was something special and that his parents must have gone to great lengths to purchase this for him. “Good,” he thought, “Perhaps they’ve earned a break from serving me.”

The Redridge Smuggler

Welcome friends, to Story Time with Hail. Tonight, a tale of wit and guile.

One day a clever rogue from Lakeshire  showed up at Three Corners with a horse loaded with pelts.  The border guard, Jimmy, asked the rogue where she was going.

“I am on my way to the Eastvale Logging Camp. I have been practicing skinning and wish to sell my pelts. I hear with so many horses sold there they have need of materials to craft saddles.”

Jimmy looked at the rogue and her steed suspiciously. “I’ll have to check to see if you or your steed is carrying anything other than leather. If I find valuables you will have to pay the fee.”

The rogue nodded. “Naturally, but I assure you what we are carrying is perfectly legitimate.

The guard picked apart the bundle of leather and found nothing. He had the rogue open her cloak and fold out her pockets, and again found nothing. Begrudgingly, he turned to the rogue. “I am certain you are smuggling something, but if you are I cannot find it. You may pass, but be warned – next time I will be more thorough.”

The rogue smiled and crossed the river.

 

The next day, the rogue showed up once again to Three Corners with a horse loaded with pelts.

“You again!” Jimmy said. “I was thinking about where you might have hidden your goods last night and have some ideas. Either way if you wish to cross I must search you and your steed.”

The rogue agreed, and Jimmy checked her cloak, her pockets, her pelts, her shoes, and in dramatic but anticlimactic fashion, her boots. Finally the guard shrugged his shoulders. “I know you are hiding something, rogue, but again my search has failed. Go.”

The rogue smiled and crossed.

 

Day after day, season after season, the rogue came with her steed loaded with pelts, and each week Jimmy would search just a bit more rigorously than the last and come up short. Finally after many years had passed, the guard retired.

 

Years had passed and the border guard was old and gray. One day as Jimmy perused the market, still mulling over where the rogue could have hidden her goods (perhaps he should have checked under the horse’s tongue?), he noticed a familiar face in the crowd.

“You! You are the woman who came to Three Corners every day with the horse loaded with pelts! Come, speak with me!”

The rogue walked over.

“Please, I am old and retired, but for peace of mind I must know – where you smuggling something across the river all those years?”

The rogue nodded.

“I knew it! What was it?”

“Horses,” the rogue smiled.

 

This story is an adaptation of one of many amazing stories from the Middle Eastern story of the Donkey Smuggler, which I read from Heather Forest’s Wisdom Tales from Around the World.  I highly recommend the book, the stories and her writing are fantastic.

Growth

I’ve always theorized that the stories hardest to tell are the ones most worth being told.  This toes the line of being too hard to tell, and posting will assuredly be a challenge.  I suppose that’s why stories like this that include self-harm are so rare.

Note:  This is deeply personal and very hard for me to post.  I’ve always had a hard time believing people care about this kind of content.  Making posts about my life is highly experimental which means feedback is even more appreciated than usual.  If you like this post, please tell me.  If you don’t, please tell me.  I will always appreciate good, well thought out feedback and will not take relevant criticism personally.

 

To achieve Greatness

The story begins in India the summer after my Sophomore year of college, making it nearly three years ago.  I had spent the last six weeks in Yunnan, China studying traditional Chinese medicine and learning more about myself than imagine most people learn in their lifetimes.  One lesson, taught to me by the many people I interacted with during those weeks, was that I was far more powerful than I had previously imagined.  Young, strong, healthy, and with all the privileges and opportunities that come with being a 20-year-old attending a top university, I genuinely could do and be most anything I wanted.  And what did I want?  Everything.  Well, rather to be good at everything.  A renaissance person.  In my words, I wanted to achieve Greatness.

While I have never been foolish enough to believe true Greatness can be achieved, I made a decision to strive for it.  Not knowing where my life would take me but sure that I wanted diverse experiences and travel to be a part of it, I decided the approximation to Greatness that would work best for me would be to attain a high baseline skill level in as many things as possible.  The idea was that if I and another novice attempt to do the same task, I will do it better.

With that goal in mind the next few years I strove to achieve Greatness.

 

A foolish aspiration

The funny thing about achieving Greatness is that as impossible as the goal is, moving towards it is relatively simple.  Since I want to be good at everything nearly every activity has the potential to push me towards that goal if done properly.  Do I feel like playing video games?  Great, then I’ll play well and actively work to increase my skill.  Do I feel like writing a blog post instead of a homework assignment?  Fantastic, not only do I enjoy writing when I feel like it but it will help me to grow as a blogger.

This strategy worked quite well for me.  I have a large variety of interests and at any given time there are one or two that I feel like doing any number of them which I do not.  Adopting a mentality where all growth is considered equal proved effective, and over the last three years that philosophy brought results.

Of course, as always the idea of achieving Greatness in some soft of absolute form remained absurd.  As the song goes,

From the day we arrive on the planet // and blinking, step into the sun // there’s more to see than can ever be seen // more to do than can ever be done

– “Circle of Life”, Elton John

 

Such noble self-harm

Ok, NOW we get to the part that’s hard to write.  As such I am going to start by going on a tangent:

I don’t like trigger warnings, as I fear they give people permission to not read something that might make them uncomfortable.  Feeling uncomfortable is important to gaining a fuller understanding of others, the world, and diverse humanity.  That said, I have two rules, and one of them is “Don’t be an idiot.”  So on that note if after reading the title of this section you know it would be actively stupid to read this section at this time, then follow Rule #1 and don’t be an idiot!

Now that I’m out of excuses, let’s get started!  One of the things I dabble in is energy work.  This is not the place for a proper explanation but effectively I am pretty good at reading the physical energy of other humans.  I usually use this to find pressure points and areas of tension when I give massages, but I can also get a sense of deeper things like emotions under the right circumstances.

One day late last November I was teaching my friend Thalia how to read this type of energy.  One of the exercises I gave her was for her to move her hand over different parts of my body and describe the color of what she felt.  (This works because people associate tons of things from feelings to taste to sound with color.)  During this exercise she found a “gross dark blue” area deep in my lower abdomen.  I focused my attention on it and took a few guesses as to what it was but mostly kept them to myself.

A few weeks later I was teaching a different friend the same thing and they also pointed out the area, although given my attention was on it one shouldn’t put too much stock in this.

That big blue/black chasm in me is anger, and here is where we return to the plot.

One of the tactics that I have used extensively in my quest for Greatness is high standards for myself.  I am a master of double standards.  While it may be acceptable for others to get drunk, let go, and do something stupid, it isn’t ok for me – I can and should do better.  Being bad at things went from understandable to failure, and with every failure I poisoned myself just a bit with self-directed anger.  You see, along with my two rules, the other of which is “Don’t be an asshole,” there is an important clause:  Everyone messes up sometimes, and that is both understandable and no reason to break the rules further.  My double standard removed this clause.

Last Monday morning I arrived London.  Last Tuesday night I went clubbing.  Some time during the drunk-sitting the lid on that self-directed anger came loose.

_____

I don’t know why but there’s something about the physical scars brought about from self-harm that I find beautiful.  It’s one of the very few things I believe could captivate me for a full hour.  I doubt I’ll scar, but for the time being it’s weird having that beauty on me.

When a friend self harms it is scary, and I would never give any one of my own permission to do that.  That said I am a believer in Yin and Yang, and one of the things that philosophy teaches is that within Yang there is Yin and within Yin there is Yang.  In other words and in context, there was a lesson to be learned from the marks on my wrist.

Achieving Greatness is noble goal, but the way I went about it meant denying myself the ability to make mistakes.  I live by the principle that if one is going to do something they outta do it right, and still hold to that.  Will I stop my quest for Greatness?  Perhaps, for for now it is only on hold.  I’ve tried to be everything, and actually done a damn good job at it.  Now it’s time to remember what being myself is.  Perhaps when I do I’ll once again take to the road towards Greatness.  For now though, I suppose I’ll just have to be content with being great.

This Needs to Stop.

Tonight I started writing a post about women in gaming.  I was talking about how the little things we do and say create a culture where being male is the default and women are treated as outsiders.  Outsiders whom it’s ok to ask personal and irrelevant questions, and who should not be offended simply because offense was not intended.  I hit a wall and closed the post.

During this time I learned that a former teammate of mine died.  It was only after I gave up on the post that I learned she was trans.  For those of you who don’t know, the cause of death among transgender women in their early 20s is almost always suicide.  Given the tone of one of her friend’s posts, I’m all but certain that was the cause.  This has to stop.

It doesn’t matter that she was trans.

It doesn’t matter that she was young.

It doesn’t matter that she was an athlete.

It doesn’t matter that I didn’t really know her.

What matters is that the effect of being treated like an “other” is pain.  Deep, internal pain that makes life not worth living as long as it remains.

There are people all over the world who are treated poorly because they are outsiders.  People from all walks of life, in all sorts of categories.  Many such people happen to play video games.

I shouldn’t need to explain to you that the gaming community as a whole tolerates those who target individuals for being “different”.  I put different in quotes because even women fall into this category even though they make up approximately half the population.

I also shouldn’t need to explain that our actions have an impact on the community.  Every time we default to calling someone “he”, or call the people we’re playing with “boys”, or stay silent in an effort to avoid drama when someone calls something that displeases them “gay”, we perpetuate an idea that gaming is a space for non-queer males.

Let’s put an end to this already.

For every one asshole who asks me if I’m a woman during a game of League of Legends there are at least a hundred other players who know that that question is inappropriate.  Well guess what?  If every time someone acted inappropriately towards my former teammate Sam just for being an Other someone stood up for her, she’s probably still be chasing plastic.

I’m not going to ask you anything on behalf of Sam.  Hell I’m not even going to ask you anything on behalf of me.  She’s dead and I can take it.  But I am going to ask you something on behalf of my people, nearly all of whom are some form of Other.

Please, be active.  When someone in a game says something sexist or homophobic or transphobic or hell is just rude to someone for any stupid reason whatsoever, call them out.  Make it clear that you are on the side of the one who’s being attacked.  Avoiding drama be damned, it is not ok to attack or diminish another person just for being who they are.  I don’t know if I can do anything to fix that small percentage of assholes, but if I can encourage the rest of you to speak up then maybe, just maybe, we won’t need to see more of this.

In a blog post like this it’s easy to talk about suicide prevention as a motivator, but I think that’s overkill.  Everyone has times when they are feeling down.  Humans are most vulnerable to each other and everyone has days when they don’t want to deal with jerks.  Even if by some miracle you don’t, I promise you that someone you care about does.  When that person is going through a tough time and a stranger starts calling them slurs or objectifying and diminishing them, wouldn’t you want someone to stand up for them?

By standing up for the people you are playing with you not only help them, but you encourage a culture that doesn’t tolerate bigotry towards those Others.  It’s not just that you are an upstanding player or whatever, but your actions will actively be appreciated and that appreciation will spur those you help to do what you did.  Calling people out is hard, but in an online game you can do it with minimal risk.  As people it’s our job to protect your own, and the best way to do that in-game is to act with integrity and discourage those who do not.

 

Finally, a special note to the content creators out there:

You are extremely powerful.  YouTubers and streamers especially, you are the ones players look towards as examples of how their game is to be played.  If you are calling your team “boys”, then you are encouraging a mentality of online gaming being a male space where woman and non-binary folk are Others.  Asking you to change how you act is unfair, especially since such turns of phrase are often part of your success, but please remember that you have great power, and with that power comes responsibility.  Consider that the reason you are successful is your followers.  All of your followers.  As I’m sure you know gamers are a diverse group and it would be foolish to think your base isn’t also diverse.  Whenever you treat someone with disrespect or your tongue slips and you let out a slur, there’s a pretty good chance you are attacking one of your own.  People can change, but they will not if their role-models do not.  So please, consider carefully the kind of community you want to foster, and then work towards making that a reality.