On the Scumbaggery of Hunters

Why (real) Rogues Hate Hunters

As anyone who knows me will know, I kinda don’t like hunters.  In fact, I’d go as far as to say I hate them, and  that they are evil, treacherous, and should all be eliminated.  Like this.

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Good times.  One thing’s always confused me though, and its that people wonder why I hate hunters.  Of course, the obvious answer is that I’m a rogue.  Why should a rogue categorically hate all hunters?  I can think of quite a few reasons off the top of my head.

  • They are weapon stealing bastards:  If you played before Cata, you know what I mean.  Hunters used to be able to use one-handed weapons in addition to they ranged weps.  While those weapons were only useful for stats, they in their gall insisted that they needed them as much as us rogues.  Obviously, this is more than enough reason to harbor hatred for those wretched bastards.
  • Similarities:  In the ways that don’t matter, specifically gameplay, rogues and hunters actually have a lot in common.  We both have a high skill cap, lots of control, and do mostly physical damage.  More importantly, we’ve each stolen the other’s abilities on multiple occasions.  Rogues’ Tricks of the Trade is a righteously stolen version of Misdirection, hunters’ Camo is a ripped off version of Stealth, and rogues’ Shuriken Toss and its ranged autoattack component was a necessary response to the hunters’ cooldown reset ability that recently got removed was an overpowered and blatantly inappropriate version of Preparation.  As we encroach on each others’ territories it only makes sense that competition will rise, which is fine by me as any excuse to kill one of those no-good wretches is fine by me.
  • Counters:  Aside from the similarities, if you analyze both classes toolkits you’ll notice we have a lot of means of countering each other.  Rogues’ Smoke Bomb completely dismantles the hunter offence for a period of time, while hunters’ Flare has the potential to destroy our class defining ability; Rogues can disarm traps, while Hunters can mark us and attack us at range; Shadow Step and Pussy Out Disengage both counter each other; and well, you get the point.  Fighting hunters more than any other class with the possible exception of mages is the ultimate game of cat and mouse.  Oh, and speaking of cat and mouse, you ever play back in the day when hunter pets would completely ignore Stealth and Vanish and follow rogues literally across entire zones?  Yeah, total crap, those treacherous little – wait, no Haileaus, your mother taught you to save your swears for when they count.  That said…
  • They are treacherous:  I mean, what’s the deal with that?  We’re rogues, it’s our job to be treacherous!  What the heck guys!?  We rogues are assassins and thieves, and while I’m no expert on MMOs, I’m pretty sure we are hands-down the most feared archetype in any MMO.  So if that’s the case, then why is that hunters are called “huntards” while rogues are only called “rouges”?  The fact that hunters think they can walk in and try to be some sort of ranged scumbag is ridiculous.  Especially now with the dwindling number of rogues left, we need to protect our territory.  That means confronting the hunter menace in whatever way we are capable of.

Why you Should Hate Hunters

While all of those reasons apply to me, I recently came to the realization as I walked up the first flight of stairs in my dorm that there’s another reason I hate hunters.  One that is much deeper, even to the point of being primal.  You see, I’m from Massachusetts, where people tend to grow up in a fairly competitive environment.

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Maybe you aren’t familiar with us, but in baseball our team, the Boston Red Sox, have a bit of a rivalry with the New York Yankees.

You could say its a friendly rivalry, but if you did, you’d be wrong.

You see anyone from MA learns the following fundamental truth at a very young age:  Yankees Suck.  Any Red Sox fan who watches baseball (I used to watch but now find it boring, however I’ll be damned if I don’t support my city and its teams) will tell you that the most anticipated games in the regular season are the ones when the two rivals play each other.  There’s something about rivalries that just makes things more interesting, fun, and memorable.  When you grow up around a rivalry like that, you begin to appreciate it.  I like teams.  They make games more interesting, and make you feel like you’re part of something bigger.  Something you know you have no control over and yet maybe you do in some unknown way.  That’s how it is with rogues and hunters.  We’re the Red Sox, and the hunters are the Yankees.  Both formidable teams, but in the end we all know which one is best.  Ours.

That said just like I categorically hate hunters like I categorically hate the Yankees, that doesn’t mean that my hatred extends to anything else.  How could I blame someone born and raised as a Yankees fan for rooting for that team?  I can’t!  Similarly, how can I blame someone who legitimately likes playing a hunter for playing one?  It would be ridiculous.  Even the actual players, or the hunter community leaders, I have nothing against.  If you were a baseball player wouldn’t it be your dream to play in the major leagues?  Who can blame someone for taking an opportunity like that even if it means playing for a team that obviously sucks!  No, it would be foolish to harbor negative feelings for the hunter community leaders, because they are just doing what they love and happen to be good enough at it to be listened to.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I hate hunters with every fiber of my being, and the Yankees suck (and there’s nothing more to say).  They both are evil, treacherous, cheap, bastards, who can all go to hell.  But like, not the actual people, ’cause in the end mutual hatred based on the same criteria is more a similarity than a difference, and that’s actually pretty cool.

Sox-Yanks

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